in retrospect....
trulykath
there is happiness in my world...my healthy kids...my loving husband....I have to dig deep....to find my personal happiness....as it relates to my career....as it relates to losing my mom....in truth, I haven't been right since she left....and I need to dig deep....SOUL SEARCHING deep, to define the new me I've become.....I need to find the keys to my happiness that I seemed to have lost...and re-connect with what makes everyone else happy...my time will come....for now, it's not about me....and if I put myself on hold long enough.....MY time....is sure to come...

pain...and stuff
trulykath
my back is killing me...how on earth do you get to be my age and NEVER know there was a problem...how was this missed?  

Can't wait for the reunion this weekend....need to pace myself and enjoy the time....

I'm working hard on letting it go...he said I should...and he is ALWAYS right...he knows me better than I know myself....he's my best friend, and he would do anything in the world for me....I'm SO glad he is my husband....

Wednesday's are good & bad....1/2 way to the weekend, but not quite close enough to feel like it's nearly over for the week....hopefully, today will fly by and I can go pick up my husband and enjoy some time with him tonite!

out of whack...
trulykath
Lately, it all kinda seems outta whack.....can't seem to get my arms around anything solid....and though I keep going through the motions, it doesn't seem like I'm getting anywhere.  I'm not the bad person he portrays me to be...and one day, he will regret his actions & words....

ON THE OTHER HAND....I love my husband...my kids are happy & healthy...and I REALLY AM TRYING TO DO THE VERY BEST I KNOW HOW.....there has to be something in it for me too....it gets old.... running in mud....

60% chance
trulykath
of rain through most of next weekend....it hasn't rained in ages....and of all weekends....for it to start looking like this...

There is a time & place...
trulykath
for everything...and even though there are things I want to happen now, God will let me know when it's time...I pray for direction....the skillset to handle His path...the patience to see it through....I sometimes wonder, with my faith, why I fight things so hard...I need to work harder on BEING....instead of fighting it.....

It was such a great weekend....so many things I often wondered about are falling into place.....I am TRULY blessed....and reminding myself of this WILL get me through!

FOUNDATIONS
trulykath
I need to keep reminding myself I'm building foundations again....to bigger & better things...I need some things to pan out at work...I've been in sales so long, and sometimes, no matter how big the deal is, it's ALL ABOUT THE KILL....the close, the confidence boost...the signal that says "you know what you're doing and YOU"VE STILL GOT IT!!!" 

Things are getting better....and I'm lining up the pros/cons of my life right now....I have:
A beautiful family and 2 awesome kids
The most wonderful husband a woman could ask for
Lost weight has made me healthier and happier than ever
I'm working....and I have a great boss/co-workers

The cons seem miniscule and hardly worth mentioning....I need to focus on the good....I've come this far and keep putting one foot in front of the other....I'm no longer running in mud...and once you hit bottom, you can only go up....right?

sleep...
trulykath
been up since 2:30...it's gonna be such a long day...I tried to go back to sleep....it didn't work....

I need some good things to happen...some things to restore my faith in my ability....it shouldn't be this hard...and while I rack my brain looking for the answers, I can't seem to come up with the ultimate plan...

one day at a time...I'll go slow, try to relax and do the right things...hopefully, everything will fall into place....

I'm not sure...
trulykath
what I'm supposed to be doing...where I'm supposed to go....I've tried so hard...to be a good mom...to lead by example...I'm finally in love....and it's all that keeps me going......I miss my mom so much...it's been 3 years...and it still hurts....will I ever be better?

Where do I go from here?
trulykath
not sure if the job thing is working out or not...some days, I feel really good about it...then I wonder what the hell I'm doing and think how much I DON"T want to have to find a new gig again anytime soon....I don't know if I will ever be able to make the money I used to make...and I hate not being in control of my environment...I used to know what to do every day when I went to work....Now I just feel like I'm muddling through it...trying to figure out WHAT to do...

I've had an awesome week with Skip....though I somehow hate to admit...I miss the kids.....

I need a vacation myself...not time off for surgery...or looking for a job...but down time...away from everything...a day or 2 with nothing to worry about...nothing to mess with...

Time to start seriously planning Skip's birthday party....food/beer....the rest is on everyone else....

Just really tired.....

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